I don’t know if you know this, but we mothers are at war. Its a dangerous territory, with both sides screaming bloody murder that they have made the right choice. Its a mom-on-mom bloodbath out there.
I was unaware the bf vs ff war (thats breastfeeding versus formula feeding for the uninitiated) was an issue until I made the decision to breastfeed. I say ‘made a decision’, but in all honesty, I never considered the alternative. Bottles, powders, sterilising equipment and waiting are all things that just don’t work for me. Honestly though, by choosing a way to feed my baby, I never expected to be judged as being in one camp or the other. After all, its just milk.
All my life I have felt out of place. A step behind. Out of synch. I was just never happy, I never felt like I there was anything I was good at. Then I had Xander. Suddenly, my whole world changed. I had a reason to get up, a reason to give, and a reason to try really really hard to be a better person than I felt I was. When it came to feeding him, we had no problems. He latched easily, I had a good supply of milk. I never had to worry that I was doing the wrong thing, or that the thing I felt was right wasn’t working. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was really good at something, and it just so happened to be making my baby happy, with my boobs.
So I am biased. I think breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, and it has been an experience to cherish. Seeing my little boys eyes flutter with contentment as he drinks, or helping him to forget the pain when he bangs his head, even the placement of his little hand on my chest, gently holding himself as close as possible while he feeds, are some of the most precious moments of my life. I don’t think I would have felt that overwhelming beauty with a bottle.
Having said that, if you want to formula feed, do it. If you genuinely think that its the right thing to do, have at it mama! You know your child better than I do. The only thing I hate about you formula feeding is how lonely it makes me feel to be in a crowd of mums and to be the only one with my boobs out. But I can live with that. It’s the feeling of rivalry that really bothers me, like one type of mum is somehow better or worse than another. Like bf mama’s are all hippies or tit-nazis, forcing you to look their nipples in the eye and praise them for doing something that comes naturally. Like ff mama’s are self-obsessed, too busy worrying about pert figures and a glass of chardonnay of an evening to care enough to feed their baba’s. It’s not like that.
Somehow, people have got caught up in a debate that simply shouldn’t exist. Newspapers print biased ‘advice’, and the only thing I can promise is that whatever article is making you feel angry or smug was written by one person. One person who made a decision as to what is right for a child, and whether they mean to or not, they are forcing their opinion on you with every word. Hell, I’m doing it right now!
All I really want to say is:
Make your own decision. Please. Don’t do what your friends are doing, or what a website tells you. Look at your own life, look at your child, and then make a measured decision as to what fits your life. And remember mama, whatever way you choose to feed your baby, do it with love. Feed them with unconditional love right alongside their milk from the moment the are born until the moment they leave your sight, and I promise you won’t go wrong.
Don’t ever make another mum feel bad for what she’s doing, if she does it with love in her heart. Do not think breasts are inappropriate, or that bottles are lazy.
Milk only matters for a small amount of their lives. It’s the love you feed them with it that helps them to grow into the fantastic human being that you can’t wait to meet. So whatever else you do, just feed them love.
